I want you all to close your eyes and go on a journey with me; we’re going to take a trip back in time. Eyes closed? Good, let’s get started. We’re going way back here, back to a time when head phone jacks were still relevant.
Week’s 2-4 were pretty terrible and lackluster with no improvement. One of my regular columns titled “The Good, The Bad and The Terrible” was a weekly regular, until I was coaxed by Dave and Tara, who both openly mocked me and my attempted recaps. Week 5 was when I really broke stride, with my second column titled “Where Tara was right and where Tara was wrong”, which pointed out some of the flaws that were presented by her mock recap. I continued my weekly column of “The Good, The Bad and The Terrible” for the rest of the season. Weeks 9 & 10 included 40+ memes, Week 11 saw a column titled “Why Garen is a piece of shit”, where several of his friends were nice enough to expand on reasons why he’s a POS, and other columns included “You’re gonna have a bad time” (inspired by South Park) and the final recap with the 1st Annual PEFFL Awards.
The following year saw the creation of markcaruso.weebly.com (which still exists and can be visited by clicking the link there) and a myriad of different columns. Some of the new sections included “Who Fucked Up?”, “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” (renamed from previous season), “The Best and Worst of the Week”, “Why the Fuck You Lying?”, “Season Ending Injury or NAHHH”, “Trending Up or Down”, “Winners and Losers of the Week”, and “Things I Learned during the Football Season”. The end of the season was completed with the 2nd Annual PEFFL Awards.
You’re probably asking yourself why I asked you to take this journey with me now that you wasted approximately 12 minutes (probably more, I just threw a number in there to make it seem like I counted how long it takes to read that and you just wasted more time reading this sentence… got’em) reading the above paragraphs. Well we are only a few weeks into the Beer, Balls and Bullshit experiment with video blogs/recaps. We were doing good the first two weeks of the season, but then I went on vacation and it’s been downhill since. We had to have a fill in during Week 3 for me (Thanks Tom, good job by the way) and then we were unable to get together this week to record the Week 4 recap.
So I said I would write a recap, the old fashioned way, with words. And Dave got all upset and said “Hippity wahhh schweee, I wanna make decisions too, boo hoo wee hee schippity schweeeeee”, but couldn’t find anyone to record with him so he told me I was clear to write something. Which, let’s just be clear, I was gonna write something anyway, but was in no rush and then he broke the bad news to me about not having any friends.
But since he delayed me, I have had a hard time finishing up this piece and contemplated not really putting it out since it’s now late as fuhuhuhuck, but a few friends have requested I still put it out so here it is. The Week 4 recap can also be found briefly on this week’s episode of Beer, Balls and Bullshit here.
Let’s get this party started!!
Nick “White Jesus” Ferreri – Only one of three players to post a score above 150 this week, coming in at 153.6. When everyone on your roster scores 13+ points (excluding kicker) it’s gonna be a good day. This scored helped Nick jump from 5th to 1st this week.
Nick "BDN" Fraley – Seems to be the week of the Nicks. Also posted a 150+ point week, coming in at 153.9 outscoring the other Nick by a mere 0.3 points. Big Ben and AJ Green went off, Nick probably would have had the high score if Deandre Hopkins and Gronk didn’t suck a far babys dick and score a combined 3.5 points. Good job though, enough to move you from 27th to 16th.
Matthew Stafford – This big headed mother fucker. He thinks just cause he has a smoke show of a wife he can be a legit piece of shit and not throw any god damn touchdowns against the Chicago Bears? Dude barely broke 200 yards and threw two interceptions. What a fuck boy…. Oh yeah he was also the most selected QB this week…
Rob Gronkowski – Last game playing without Brady, Gronk managed a measly 1 catch for 11 yards. Not good brah, how about a little less time on the party bus and more time on the field catching balls…
Ryan Fitzpatrick – He threw another three interceptions… after throwing six interceptions the week before. Nine interceptions in two games is never a good stat, I don’t care how many times you had to throw the ball…
New England Patriots – After what Bill has done with this team winning three games with two different back up QBs, it’s really surprising that he was shut out by a Buffalo team that he had extra time to prepare for.. it’s almost like they didn’t care about this game and said Fuck it, Tom’s back next week…
Lead Balloon Crew (Still a part of The Ugly section, but all three of these people dropped in the standings like a baby dropping a hot dump in their diaper):
Tati – She started out so well having three weeks with 120+ points each time. This week, not so much. You’re starting to get risky with your picks, you had four players combine for 8.7 points.. that’s never good… You dropped from 12th to 19th.
Dan M – Blake Bortles and Antonio Brown basically scored all of your points this week. It’s never good when everyone else on your roster sucks pretty bad for the week. You dropped from 17th to 26th.
Mark McClain – You might as well be Rolando McClain getting suspended for ten games after the week you just put up. Two weeks after posting the highest score and being in the lead, you’ve now posted the lowest score of the week with a 68.5. That’s baddd bruhhhhh, you dropped from 3rd to 12th.
Beer, Balls & Bullshit
BB&B was created in 2016 for the P.E.F.F.L. league recaps. Weekly updates are done by the Commissioners, Mark and Dave and include the occasional guests. if you have a segment idea, let us know.